Believe me when I say, it can get better

I’ve been doing a few days work at a place which means I pass-by an old work place that I was at about 16/17 years ago and as I drive past it is such a reminder to me of how far I have come since those days, with regards to my mental health, general confidence and wellbeing.  Back then, I had split with my partner that I owned a house with and was renting a room from a work colleague, I was drinking on my own on a daily basis and also still a smoker.  My anxiety was at an all time high as well.  I wasn’t confident in my role and constantly wondered how the hell I’d even got the job in the first place, always thinking I was just blagging my way through and I’d be found out any minute that I was actually useless.  All of my close friends were settled down with husbands and some with children, and on a successful career path. I was constantly comparing myself to them and feeling more of a failure by the day. My life was so lonely, so much so that quite frequently, I’d leave work on a Friday and not speak to or have contact with another person until I went back to work the following Monday. I was so all consumed with my own depression and anxiety that I didn’t even think to do something like begin to start running or find some other way to pull myself out of the despair I was in. I’ve spent so many years of my life like this and its only in the last 5 years I would say that I have really started living, not completely anxiety free, but certainly depression free and my anxiety is reduced to a manageable, liveable amount that doesn’t control my life anymore. Back in those days, it seemed like it would never end but slowly and surely I have fought my way out. Now when I drive past this place, I feel so proud of how far I have come and have done so many things that I never dreamed I would be capable of. I have recently been working as a mentor for a mental health charity and it is due to overcoming mental health issues myself that I am able to do this and have an understanding and empathy for the people I am working with. Heavens know, I could’ve done with a mentor myself back in those dark days but back then mental health wasn’t spoken about as much as it is today, and when it was, people just looked at you like you were strange. It took me all my courage to even speak to a closest friend about it, and I think that was only the one time. I kept it to myself as I felt so ashamed of my feelings and to be honest I didn’t even really know what was wrong with me and why I was even feeling that way. I just know it was a horrendous time for me and I never want to go back there. I now have a partner and children of my own, I volunteer for a couple of organisations as well as working part time, I’m a regular runner, have become Pescatarian over a year ago and practically never drink. To be honest, it’s the best I’ve ever felt in my life and it’s certainly been a long time coming. So, if you are reading this and are someone experiencing problems with your mental health, please know, that it can and does get better, I know because I have lived through it.