Every third Saturday, I have the kids by myself whilst their Dad works and I don’t know why but I always struggle with it. I have the kids for full days during the holidays and seem to be ok so I’m not sure what it is about these mornings that are different. I feel anxious and am counting down the time for my other half to come back home, trying to find things that make the time pass quicker.
Today my daughter had an appointment to have her fringe cut which was a great excuse for getting the kids out of the house and then potentially moving on to somewhere else to keep them occupied and burn energy until their Dad was home. The library is a few doors down from the hairdressers so we popped in there. I know, not exactly the best place for burning energy due to the fact that due to the need for silence, they even need to rest their voices in there. I soon learnt it was a mistake and we left shortly afterwards. I told them we just needed to pop into a shop, which is one I regularly go in due to the bargains they have in there, it is a bit random in the stock they have so you don’t always see the same items. Again, this was a mistake, whilst trying to concentrate on looking the kids are nattering for a drink, not keeping still, and generally doing what kids do and when I told them to stand still got told “you can’t tell children to do that” by another older female shopper. To which I responded ” don’t I bloody know it”, I should’ve probably kept this comment to myself but sometimes, quite often actually, my mouth engages before my brain. I gave up and moved on to the till with a few items in the basket, the kids are nattering for drink they’d just picked and my little boy, a lolly from the bag of sweets, my daughter trying to pass me a drawing she’d just coloured in in the library, whilst I’m trying to pack the stuff away and pay the lady who was serving. In the meantime, an elderly lady with a walking stick is trying to come into the door of the shop, which at the time, I was so distracted with what I was in the middle of, it just didn’t register with me that she needed help to open the door. Had I done, I would’ve stopped what I was doing and opened it for her. My daughter did in fact open the door and the lady came in as we went out, at which point she said “Thank you, love…for nothing”. I continued out of the shop before it registered what she’d just said to me. I have to admit, I had to stop myself going back in, to explain why I hadn’t opened the door but what would’ve been the point. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry and I was so all encompassed with my kids and the shopping that I didn’t purposely not open the door for her. If she’d have seen me at any other time, not only would I have opened the door, she would’ve got a big smile from me and a “you’re welcome” after she thanked me, without the “for nothing” added to the end. To the lady that was coming into the shop, yes I can see that you are struggling physically but at that time, I was also struggling, mentally. So next time maybe just think about the impact your flippant remark might have on the person you’re giving it to. As a person with anxiety, I am now going to be replaying the scene over in my head for the rest of the day and wishing I had seen you trying to come in the door and that I had opened it, on top of all the other things that I am already feeling anxious about.
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